This is the day. It is 7 am and I am wide awake and ready for my 10 am retrieval. Am I really ready? Not sure. A lot of thoughts are in my head that I need to write down to clear my head for surgery.
I am ready to move beyond the painful memories of having a Preemie, a miscarriage and going through infertility treatments. My little Preemie is fine now but it was tough when doctors told me that they are concerned if even I will be OK after birth having preeclempsia. I did not know if she would survive our not and it was so hard leaving her behind at the hospital and coming home empty handed and staring at the empty crib and unpacked mattress.
I am also sad right now not knowing my unborn child who left at 10 weeks and not knowing if this was the last heartbeat that I will ever see inside of me.
I am crying silently to music while I am typing but it does not feel wrong.
Here I am waiting for some good luck and I am hopeful that there might be something positive coming out of this. I am prepared to do another round but I cannot see beyond that.
I am lucky to be able to do this financially and with the help of a great support system. I even meet 2 ladies locally that are going through this right now. They are at CCRM as well and it helps so much to know that you are not alone. I had a great dinner this week which was a welcome distraction. One of them also offered to help me during prep and recovery. She has appointments today and will drive me back to the hotel.
That's it for now. Not sure I am really ready, especially about the potential disappointment that might come, but I know I am done with this round of Ivf and there is nothing else I can do right now.
Good luck to myself!
No comments:
Post a Comment